In Hiding
by Samara007
Summary: Another in my series of drabbles...this time it's a conversation between J.T. and Colleen. I don't believe for a minute that she's over him. I love J.T/Victoria, but there are some things here that could be interpreted several different ways.


"Oh, I'm sorry," Colleen said, voice dripping with mock sincerity. "I forgot you never went to college."

J.T. watched, a strand of something hard and sick curling up in his stomach, as the pain of the strike impacted on his wife's face. Then, just as quickly her features blanked themselves out. Rolling with punches, hiding pain, was a talent Vicki had in spades. Acting on instinct, he pulled her close and dropped a soft kiss on her cheek. "Why don't you go on home and check on Reed?" he asked in a low voice, gesturing to the paperwork spread out in front of him. "I'll finish up here and meet you in a little while."

She smiled her usual, lovely smile, the one that lit up her eyes, and agreed. With a much frostier smile aimed at her former step-daughter, Victoria swept out of the coffee shop, head held high and dress swirling around her legs. He watched admiringly. Class was also something his wife had in spades. And brass. That too.

While he had been watching her leave, Colleen had dropped down into the newly vacated seat across from him and was talking about something, he wasn't really sure what. With a sigh, he broke into her monologue. "That wasn't nice."

"Who are you, my dad?" She bit out quickly, her face blanching as soon as she realized what she'd just said. No, he wasn't, and her actual dad wasn't around anymore. That wasn't Victoria's fault, unless you count indirectly because after all, if she hadn't divorced him he wouldn't have been up at that cabin. And actually the whole Newman board thing wasn't her fault either, not unless you also count that if she had never married Brad he would never have had a seat in the first place. It struck Colleen that for someone who was supposedly blameless, Victoria had a lot of "not unless you counts" to her credit.

"No, I'm not," J.T. looked at her evenly, almost impassively. "But I thought I was your friend. Actually, I thought Vicki was too."

"Of course you're my friend," Colleen rushed to assure him.

"And Victoria?"

Now Colleen sighed. Her head was a very confusing place to be right now. For the most part, she appeared calm and collected; she had taken over her father's house, taken over Abby's trusteeship, taken over her father's board seat. But what had taken over her mind was a crazy crawling space of uncertainty, labrythine in its twists and turns. Plenty of times lately she found herself speaking, acting without putting a lot of thought into it. "She is. Kind of." Another heavy sigh. "I'll apologize if you want me to."

"No, Colleen, you don't get it. You should want to. She's been nothing but nice to you, offered to help - "

"Yeah, yeah," she cut him off with a flick of her wrist, waving away the rest of his words.

He watched her across the table, seemingly intent on tracing the whorls of fake-plastic-wood with her index finger, shoulders slumped, eyes downcast, and felt a strange pang. She was unhappy. It should be clear to anyone, was definitely clear to him who used to know her so well. Why wouldn't she be? It hadn't been so long since Brad died. And he knew the thing with Adrian hadn't worked out. Color him surprised on that one, he thought with a touch of bitterness. Now that Lily was happy with Cane, Colleen was probably more on her own than ever.

"Coll," he called her name softly, drawing her out of the reverie she had fallen into. "How are you, really?"

She shrugged. "I'm dealing."

"I know you are," he agreed, placatingly. "But is there anyone.." Trailed off, decided to try again. "Is there someone you can go to, when you need it?"

She looked up at him sharply. "Are you trying to ask if I'm seeing anyone?"

He rolled his shoulders in a helpless gesture. "I don't know. Maybe."

"I am _not_ discussing that with you." Her tone was sharp again, hard enough to break glass. "J.T., what are you even still doing here? Go on home to your perfect wife." The end of her sentence twisted in bitterness, the ugly inflection stirring his anger again.

"What is it, Colleen, really? What do you have against Victoria? Is it that she's on the board at Newman? Is it that she's Victor's daughter? Because I could understand that, at least a little." He stopped and regarded her for a moment, briefly closing his eyes before continuing his thought pattern in a lower tone. "Or is it that she's my wife?"

Her eyes snapped up to him with a rapidity and a blankness that made his stomach drop. Then she looked away and the expression was gone. "Get over yourself, Jeffrey Todd." She tried for a smirk, but her mind turned one of those corners in the labryinth and she knew the vulnerability showed. Colleen tried very hard not to think of all the should haves in her life, tried not to dwell in the past. But here was her biggest should have, in her face and calling her on it.

"I care about you," J.T. said in a heartfelt tone, almost in the same tone he used to say...no, not going to think about that. "I will always care about you. But Victoria is my wife."

And now something had crawled out of that labryinth and was taking over her voice, because the words spilling out were not ones she would ever have chosen to utter, not in a million years, not for all the tea in China, not for any of those phrases people used to mean never ever ever. "Yes, but do you love her? Do you love her like you loved me?" And now her hands had turned traitor too and were grasping at his sleeves, fingers plucking the cotton and where had all this desperation suddenly come from? "I am so sorry, J.T. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you. It was stupid, I was stupid and if I could I would take it all back and we would just go back to how we were. Because I always thought we were meant to be together, that no matter what we would end up together. Hell, I think I even thought that when I went to Adrian. Couldn't we just - " and she broke off, tears in her eyes that she didn't remember crying but what the hell, might as well finish what she'd started now. "Is there any chance we could go back?"

And for just one second, not even that, just a half a thought really, with the light shining on her tears and misery in every line of her body, he considered it. But again, not even that because he couldn't get that far. Hurting Colleen was something he had tried to avoid for so long that it had almost become second nature, and he almost wanted to give her something, anything, just to get around that. But there was a line here, a very thin crevice to tumble in or step over, and he thought about how he felt when Victoria had finally opened her gorgeous eyes again after the coma and knew he had to jump it. "I'm sorry, Colleen," he said simply, but as gently as possible, just a breath of air, as if it might hurt less if he said it softer. "I love my wife."

There was a very long moment of silence, then. She wiped her eyes with hurried fingertips. "I'm sorry, too. I don't know what got into me." Another swipe at her eyes and a glance at her watch. "I'm supposed to meet Lily, so I'd better go." She tried for a normal tone, and he just nodded, letting her do it. She was up in the next breath, grabbing her purse and turning away, but she paused for a moment, not really looking at him so that he only saw her in profile. "And J.T.? Tell Victoria, too. Tell her I'm sorry." And then she was gone, hurrying out the door and into the night. And as he watched her go, it became clear to him that after all, Victoria wasn't the only one good at hiding her pain.


End file.
